Hellooooo. It’s been a while. Started strong then fell off again haha typical of me. A major update so far, on Easter, I finally hit my next major goal of hitting the 200lbs down mark. I’m currently down about 215lbs. It’s such a wild feeling. I never imagined that was even in the realm of possibility of ever happening. I have about another 100lbs to go to get down to my goal weight. I’ve shifted my focus a bit for the next goal of skin removal surgery. I’ve had several conversations and discussed with the surgeon’s office that I’m planning on working with. I have about another 30 more pounds to go to get to where I can do this. Once I hit that, then I’ll actually schedule the consult. It’s been a bit frustrating because of course, now I’ve hit another slow down when it comes to the scale. I know it will start moving again, but the stall right now is definitely irritating. But I’m just going to keep trucking along and doing what I need to do. To be honest, the loose skin wasn't something I really thought about that much before or when I started because I really didn't even think I’d be able to get to this point. It’s going to be A LOT and the recovery is really going to suck, but it’s going to be necessary to accomplish what I want to. No matter how much weight I lose, I’m not going to look the way I want to look without this. It’s scary and it’s overwhelming but it’s needed. The mental piece that comes with this whole process has been a lot and the last few months, this whole year really, has been really, really hard. I don’t really know if there is any way to actually prepare yourself for this, but I was definitely not prepared. I feel like I’ve completely lost sight of who I am. I’m not who I used to be and I’m not who I’m going to be. The in-between is hard, I feel like I’ve been in limbo. The last couple weeks, I feel like I’ve finally been able to start to pull myself out of this mental shitstorm I’ve been stuck in. Not just from this process, but also life in general. Things have been pretty rough but I’m starting to feel a little bit better emotionally, finally. I’m just focusing on one day at a time right now. That’s all you can really do, you know? I know I can’t control anything except the actions and decisions I make every day. It’s not easy sometimes, but that’s the only thing I can do. Until next time.
May 2024